Melbourne Therapists Advice on Navigating Unhealthy Friendships
Friendships play a fundamental role in our emotional, mental, and physical well-being, offering companionship, support, and a sense of belonging. However, not all friendships are beneficial.
Some, over time, become emotionally exhausting and psychologically harmful. Yet, because friendships are often perceived as inherently positive, recognising unhealthy friendships can be challenging.
Many of us hesitate to acknowledge that a close friendship has become detrimental to our health and wellbeing. We might tend to think the discomfort we’re feeling is our fault due to personal shortcomings or dismiss our concerns as overreactions. However, it’s important to be gentle with ourselves and realise that these situations can affect our mental health, self-esteem, and overall life satisfaction.
Learn more about how to identify these kinds of friendships, how they can affect us, and how we can move towards healthier relationships with our compassionate Melbourne Therapists at Inner Eastern Psychology.
Understanding Unhealthy Friendships: Signs to Look Out For
An unhealthy friendship is one where unhealthy patterns persist and negatively impact our emotional and psychological well-being. Here are some things that you might notice from unhealthy friends:
Emotional manipulation: This often manifests through guilt-tripping, passive-aggressive remarks, or an expectation that the friendship must always be on their terms.
One-sided effort: You’re always the one reaching out, listening, or compromising and yet your needs are dismissed.
They put you down: Teasing and joking are normal in any friendship, however, when our friends constantly demean us, making us feel miserable, our relationship with them may not be a healthy one.
Gossip: Unhealthy friends may enjoy spreading information we’ve told them in confidence, showcasing they may not value our trust or care about our feelings.
They may often be jealous or too competitive: Instead of celebrating your successes, they downplay or undermine them.
Lack of Boundaries: They disregard your personal space, time, or emotional capacity.
Compares you to other people: Unhealthy friends may compare us to other people and even use this to pressure us into doing things we’d prefer not to do.
How Unhealthy Friendships Affect Your Mental Health
Unhealthy friendships can have a profound impact on our psychological and emotional health and may sometimes lead to a few conditions:
Increased Anxiety & Stress: Constant tension and unpredictability in a friendship can activate our body's stress response.
Lower Self-Esteem: Regular criticism or subtle put-downs can erode our self-worth over time.
Emotional Exhaustion: Feeling drained after every interaction may be a sign of emotional burnout.
Avoidant or People-Pleasing Behaviours: Unhealthy friendships can make us more prone to fearing confrontation or overcompensating in relationships.
Feelings of loneliness and isolation: Unhealthy friendships can make us feel ignored and unfulfilled in the relationship.
Other relationships suffer: Unhealthy friendships can slowly but steadily affect our other relationships as it chips away at our confidence and self-esteem.
How to Navigate & Distance Yourself from a Unhealthy Friendship:
1. Establish clear and firm boundaries
Unhealthy friends often push limits, making it crucial to establish and reinforce personal boundaries. This may involve limiting the time spent together, being direct about unacceptable behavior, or refusing to engage in emotionally draining conversations.
We can also explain how certain behaviours affect us to help them understand why we’re setting these boundaries.
2. Reduce emotional dependency
Unhealthy friendships often create patterns of emotional dependency, where one person feels responsible for the other’s happiness or well-being. Breaking this cycle involves:
Seeking support from other friends, family, or a therapist.
Engaging in activities that boost your sense of independence and self-worth.
Reminding yourself that you are not obligated to “fix” or endure the friendship at your own expense.
Shifting your focus away from the unhealthy dynamic makes it easier to detach emotionally over time.
3. Know when to walk away
In some cases, an unhealthy friendship cannot be salvaged, especially if the person disregards your well-being, manipulates you, or constantly undermines your confidence. If attempts to set boundaries are ignored or met with hostility, it may be necessary to cut ties entirely.
4. Gradually reduce interactions
If a direct confrontation feels overwhelming, a gradual reduction in interaction can allow for a natural distancing process. This can include responding less frequently to messages, declining invitations, or redirecting conversations when negativity arises.
By reducing our availability over time, the friendship may naturally fade without escalating into unnecessary confrontation.
5. Reframe guilt and prioritise emotional well-being
We can experience guilt when distancing from a friendship, particularly if the other person reacts with hurt or anger. However, this guilt should not dictate decisions about our personal well-being.
A healthy friendship does not require self-sacrifice at the expense of mental health. Reframing the situation as an act of self-care, rather than betrayal, can help ease the transition.
6. Seek professional help
Ending or managing an unhealthy friendship can be emotionally complex, especially if the relationship has been long-standing. Seeking guidance from a psychologist can provide us advice on how to process emotions, reinforce boundaries, and rebuild self-esteem.
Therapy can also help us recognise unhealthy patterns in future relationships, allowing us to form healthier connections moving forward.
If you would like to seek support in relation to interpersonal relationships, or learn more about how to manage an unhealthy friendship, feel free to contact us today to schedule an appointment or for further inquiries.