(New) Parenthood and Emotional Health Categories: Self-care, Emotions, Psychology Help
Parenthood is filled with emotional ups and downs, and being on an emotional roller coaster is challenging when one is fatigued and sleep-deprived, especially for new parents who are still on their training wheels.
Social medias and people around may discuss the positive aspects of being and becoming a parent, however, we notice that it is less often that people talk about the complexity of emotions involved when becoming a parent: the change in our identity, the complexity and dialectics of joy and grief (of who we used to be) etc. Although everyone’s journey is vastly different, acknowledging these sensitive and complex feelings is crucial in maintaining healthy emotional health. In this article, only certain aspects and specifics of parenthood are discussed. The article does not mean to, nor have the capacity to, cover the totality of every experience.
Adjustments that occur at different stages
Prenatal
Parenthood starts when one has a confirmed pregnancy. The adjustments and mental loads commence. The challenges with prenatal mostly relate to the unknown, and changes in one’s body. We often think about our and the baby’s health. Attending multiple appointments as well as making adjustment to what we eat and do. It is a mix of nervousness and excitement, while being cautiously positive about what to expect.
Perinatal and the birth itself can bring anxiety for many people. Individuals usually have their own birth plans, however, whether it goes to plan or not can be out of our control, and has little to do with how prepared we were or felt. Some people may have birthing experience that goes to plan, while others may have a more difficult experience. Some may also have what is referred as a traumatic birth.
Following a traumatic birth, looking after our mental health is as important as looking after our physical health. Consulting with a professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, is often recommended as a first step. A psychologist can help provide relief and space to discuss the birth, and the immense challenges that were involved.
Postnatal refers to the phase after the baby is born, and where the everyday challenges may occur, such as fatigue, sleep deprivation, social isolation, relationship tension, and the day-to-day care and logistical arrangement. This phase often lasts longer than what we would expect and is where the complexity of emotions mostly occurs.
Most parents are “expected” to be joyous. While happiness can occur, there are also struggles that are unspoken. Postpartum anxiety (PPA) and depression (PPD) occur up to 20-30% and 10-20% of new mothers, respectively. PPA and PPD are also experienced by up to 10% of non-birthing parent that are involved in the care of a newborn. This article will not discuss the specifics of PPA and PPD. If you need professional support, please speak to your GP or visit PANDA for more information. For urgent support, please visit this page.
For pregnant individuals or those who were pregnant in the past 12 months, non-directive pregnancy counselling, which is a Medicare initiative that provide funding for psychological therapy is also available. This funding is capped at 3 sessions per pregnancy, and covers GPs and specific allied health providers.
The Dialectics of Joy and Grief
While joy is a clear emotion that a parent may feel, many describe the feeling of grief. Individuals have described the loss of spontaneity (e.g., of being able to leave the house when they want to), acting without a plan, and the freedom around time etc. Others have described the grief of previous form of social connections and that friendships and how they relate no longer looks the same. Importantly, some also describe the loss of self-identity as their thinking and behaviours now mostly evolves around the newborn. Relationships with partner may also look different following a newborn as logistical arrangement, sleep deprivation, fatigue etc, take on a toll. The above (and many more) are likely to contribute to the feeling of grief and other unpleasant emotions.
It is crucial to hold the dialectics of both joy and grief at the same time, and not rejecting either (or other) emotions. Being aware of and validating our emotions is important because the struggles are valid and present, the same as our love for our child, and the joy of their arrival. Reaching out and speaking about how we feel, and obtaining support when we can also help to ease the mental load, our internal conflicts and tension. You are not alone and you may find that more people than you think are indeed experiencing something similar.
While all the above is likely a natural experience of being a new parent, if you need further support, or that how you feel start to affect your everyday functioning and / or care for your child, it is crucial that you seek professional help. If you would like help navigating this, and that it would be helpful to talk it trough, you can reach out to our Client Support Team to discuss further howe we can help.
If you need immediate support, please visit this page for further information.